[ Though he does not outwardly react, Aventurine takes note of the half-fueled smile right away. Faking joy, pretending at comfort, feigning satisfaction, those had been the first things he'd learned once his life was more than just basic survival. Sunday will need to learn the same, but Aventurine finds himself in no rush to teach him.
He hoists the bags up onto his other shoulder and leads the way toward a spot he recalls being a fine place to sit and enjoy the scenery. They needn't walk far to find the intended destination -- the Hammer is dotted with little patches of green overlooking the endless blue. He brings them to a bench, wood planks set in carved coral overlooking the ocean, and shrugs the bags on his arm off onto the ground. ]
No one gave you too much fuss?
[ It's the closest he'll come to asking what's wrong outright. ]
[Sunday doesn't sit at first. He walks a few steps forward and gazes out at the waves, his expression distant and his wings tense.]
I'm fine. [He looks back at Aventurine with a sad smile.] I've read about oceans before, but I have never seen one. Now I am realizing there is so much I haven't seen.
[Once again, his gaze is pulled to the water. A horrible impulse stabs through him to run and leap from the side of the Hammer. It would correct many things that are currently wrong in the world. Since his sister, the Nameless, and even the IPC refuse to execute the greatest sinner of all, he could take on the burden himself. The Family has executed many sinners and heretics over the years in many ways. Drowning would do. In the black beneath the waves, everything would cease to matter, a major pawn would be removed from the game board of the Aeons, and the universe could wind on as if the creature named Sunday never existed.
It is a sweet, almost intoxicating thought. He hates himself now more than he has ever hated anyone. His own life feels like a terrible burden, a beautiful prize for sin that he doesn't deserve but must accept. ...And he wants to accept it. He wants to live. Despite everything, despite the immorality in his soul, he wants to live. Not just survive but one day truly live. That wish is exhilarating and terrifying.]
I want to live, Mister Aventurine. [He says softly.] I want to see more horizons like this one.
[Then, turning back to Aventurine, his grin warms and softens.]
On THEIR journey backward through time, Finality moved on either side of us and brought us together. I admit, I am not sure why, but... I think, even though I am afraid, I am excited...
[Maybe there has always been an ember within him, one he'd smothered throughout his adolescence, that looked skyward with longing.]
[ Ah, so the only one giving him any fuss is himself. That's not too surprising. The bird does seem to like making a cage of his own mind; a cage with a door that not even his own sister could fling open without the help of a thousand other souls. More, even. Sunday really is unspeakably dangerous, but then, isn't that the hallmark of the Nameless?
Aventurine watches, wordless, as it happens. He thinks he can almost see the moment of epiphany. Sunday takes in the planet-spanning sea that surrounds them, finally puts himself in the moment and sees the specific sort of freedom that's stretched out before him. Robin was right. Penacony's fallen king was stymied by his throne, diverted from a chance at a better Path. Trailblaze does not exactly set Aventurine at ease. He cannot look at those who wander without a touch of jealousy and a heap of fear, but at least he knows now that Akivili's blessed aren't all cold, hungry conquerors.
Which sort will Sunday be in the end?
He supposes it doesn't matter. His own fears aside, so long as he can deliver the bird to the Express, it'll be better for everyone. He's mulling over their options when Sunday turns and bathes him in a sunrise smile he isn't quite prepared for and talk of Terminus and shared destinies. Aventurine stares back, surprise flickering across his features, something jolting beneath his sternum, pulling his attention to the brown paper bag in his hands. ]
I don't know much about the goals or motivations of destiny...
[ Taking care not to get any powdered sugar on his gloves or clothes, Aventurine retrieves one of the puff pastries wrapped in wax paper and a napkin. His eyes linger on the cream puff, unable to bear the combined weight Sunday's bright new hope and his ridiculous, romantic notions about fate. Fate never orchestrates things with kindness in mind.
Someone like Robin, like the Express crew, like a damned Masked Fool would've been better for Sunday in this moment. Anyone but him, incapable of looking ahead and seeing anything but an end point, revenge and then death.
His eyes flick up from the pastry in his hand to settle on Sunday. Sunday, who believes in paradise, who seems finally willing to let go enough to chase it. Stars, he's going to need all the help he can get. And sunscreen. Aventurine reminds himself to buy him some sunscreen. ]
I can promise you plenty of horizons, though, and time enough to see them.
[ Not moving from his spot on the bench, he holds out the cream puff. ]
[Sunday glides back to the bench, sits, and takes a sip of the coffee. Bitter. He drinks anyway.]
On Penacony, I wanted to gather all Paths into myself and crush them into nothingness. Over their ruins I would have built my Path of Philosophy, a Path created by and for humankind...
[His eyes skirt downward and he lifts a hand to rest against his heart.]
As King of Humankind, as their scorching sun, I would have taken on the burden of choice and maintained paradise alone until the end of the cosmos. It...would have been beautiful.
[A glorious, golden world of peace and harmony, where the weak are cared for. His paradise. His promised land. A world he will mourn until the day he finally dies.
With a steadying breath, Sunday closes his eyes, then says...]
But... I don't think a worldbearer is what humanity wants. I think, maybe, they want a world traveler. Someone who can meet them as one of them, share their pain, and guide them to happiness. If I want to be that person, then I need wisdom, knowledge, and experience. Ascetism alone will not be enough.
[Finally, he lowers his hand from his chest and opens his eyes to meet Aventurine's gaze.]
I must see those distant horizons and unfamiliar stars... [He laughs slightly and plucks the offered cream puff from Aventurine's hand.]
Ah, oops. I'm rambling again. Forgive me, I've been thinking a lot. The sea helps...put matters into perspective. I am finally understanding some things that have been bothering me since my fall.
[ Sunday still speaks with such conviction, still holds ideals that a number of people went to great lengths to prove were misplaced. Someone should probably hammer those thoughts out of him, but oddly, they don't bother Aventurine all that much. Calculation and control are things Aventurine understands well, and he, himself, holds little love for the Aeons past the benefits that can be reaped from working in their service. Sunday's perfect universe makes sense in a way; Aventurine wouldn't call it a paradise, himself -- it would be anything but for most people -- but he can see where such a vision would appeal to the person hoisting the whole of everything upon their shoulders.
But blessedly, he needn't pretend to be staunchly against the whole thing. Sunday has glimpsed the truth of things, or at least a piece of it. There's more to go, certainly, learning of humanity's penchant for sadness, for anger, for obstinance, for making no sense at all, but he's taking his first steps. (And Aventurine is thankful for that, because disagreeing with the man still feels a little like carrying a lit match into an abandoned mine.)
If anything, the surprise is in seeing him already committed to making the leap. ]
Wow. [ Aventurine leans back, crosses one leg over the other, and takes a sip of still hot coffee. He stares out at the water a moment before looking at Sunday once more, offering an impish grin. ] A risky endeavor, Mister Sunday. I'm impressed. Not surprised, but impressed.
[ Another drink, he drapes one arm over the back of the bench, away from Sunday. ]
I knew you had it in you.
[ The moment Robin tangled the two of them in the IPC's web, he'd known. She wouldn't've sent her brother out into a universe he could not handle. Sunday is more than the stone mannequins dotting Penacony's Grand Theater, not shattered by a fall. ]
You're going to grow callouses as you walk. Just remember not to let it all go rough. That perspective isn't the last one you'll gain. People are difficult and unpredictable. They teach you a lot. That's why they're fun.
[Sunday lifts the cream puff to his lips and reflexively folds his wings forward against his cheeks to block Aventurine's view of his chewing.]
Difficult and unpredictable? [How strange to be told this after his many years as Bronze Melodia. This observation is why he had wanted to force predictability upon people, to grab them by the hand and pull them along his Path. What he'll need to learn isn't that such people exist, but how to guide them gently. How to show them happiness and encourage them to walk toward it on their own.
His wings flutter.]
Maybe traveling with the Aventurine of Strategems will teach me more about that. [In all the world, he cannot think of a single soul more frustrating than Aventurine. Fascinating and admirable. But also incredibly frustrating.]
[ Hard to believe that a man who worries about the propriety of being seen eating is capable of the ruthlessness and subterfuge Aventurine had seen -- had experienced first hand -- on Penacony. Aventurine watches as Sunday takes his first bite, wings curling around to hide his face, like some fine high fashion winter collar.
It's very silly. The bird is very silly. And he can't help but grin about it, right up until he recalls the decree about leering, ogling, and other lascivious behavior, and looks away to avoid his amusement being misinterpreted.
Aventurine focuses on the other tourists strolling through the park, starts to brainstorm the to-do list he'll need to address when they're back on the ship -- hide the violin, report to Jade, announce Sunday's intention to stay on the move until the Express reemerges, get that bed set up, sleep for an hour or two, maybe, and then-
Sunday's words reach him, and he laughs. ]
Jumping right in to hard mode, huh, Mister Sunday? You must really think yourself lucky.
[ Aventurine points a delighted grin at the man who, weeks ago, wanted him dead or worse. He cannot help but think of Harmony's brand, that unnecessary bit of extra, final justice imposed on him. Being the focus of Sunday's attention is more than a little terrifying, but then again, what would he even find, given the time to ferret up Aventurine's secrets?
Nothing. There's nothing. That's the whole point.
An amused sigh escapes him, and he takes another drink. ]
I hope you like what you find, Mister Sunday. And even if not, there are at least no end to lovely horizons out there. Enjoying the pastry?
[Sunday eats in silence, aware of Aventurine seated beside him, watching tourists wander through the park with their bags and sun hats. Pointedly watching them, he realizes.]
You are permitted to look at me. [Sunday reminds him with a warm chuckle.] Believe it or not, I do know when someone is leering instead of looking.
[It is a difficult thing to explain, but he recognizes it when it happens. On Penacony, most people stared. Tourists from afar usually hadn't met a Halovian before. Some ogled him, eyes dark with sinful lust. Some saw him as a work of art. Most were simply awestruck by his beauty. The artists were strange, but rarely immoral with their gazes. Even when they compared him to a statue, an objectifying comparison to make, they did so with rhapsodic praise. To them, he was not someone to be wooed, but a beauty to be honored. It was not ogling.
This isn't either.
Aventurine has only looked at him with eager curiosity so far, watching him and studying him, in an attempt to understand and predict his behavior. He's never felt anything lecherous in the Stoneheart's eyes. Maybe Aventurine understands. With his history, he must know what it is like to be stared at in a way that makes one feel like an object, a commodity. Less than human.
Sunday finishes the cream puff, washes it down with a sip of coffee, then turns his head to return the grin.]
Thank you. The pastry was quite good.
...Once you are done with your drink, we can return to your ship. Unless you had something else you needed to do here on Lushaka?
[ It seems, for the moment, that the lion is sated. He'll see how it goes when they are in close quarters, again. A tin can floating in the sea of stars is much less soothing than sunshine on an endless sea. Aventurine takes another drink, sinking a little into his seat, giving himself permission to enjoy a much needed hit of caffeine while relaxing muscles that have been tensed for hours. ]
Sounds like a plan. Since we already know the Express isn't headed this way, there're better places to be.
[ Relaxed as he seems, his mind is abuzz with work. There's a whole brigade of P25s here, eager to impress someone of his rank, who could be recruited to keep tabs on the comings and goings of Family on the Hammer's Reef, but that might be too obvious. He considers erasing their docking data entirely before they leave, though falsifying records at this juncture feels like too great a risk for comparatively small reward. Best, then, to pretend nothing was odd about this visit. Just let Lushaka be what it is, a pitstop on the way to a greater journey.
The only question left is, what next?
Another drink. ]
Where would you like to go, Mister Sunday? Somewhere snowy? Plains or mountains? Civilized or remote?
[Don't leave it up to me, he wants to say. He's never been good at making choices for himself. Others are easy. From his position as an onlooker, he can see the paths others walk clearly, can see the obstacles they will face, and where the forks and bends appear. The Bronze Melodia, however, walks an empty path alone. He has no real past, no real future. He is only the vessel for the wishes of others.
But he is not Bronze Melodia anymore, and he should get used to having preferences about things...and learning what those preferences are. Thinking about it always feels too overwhelming. Even without his wings, it helps to frame his future as a divine mission. A divine mission he can handle. Learning more about the man he sees in the mirror, however...]
Well, any of those places could be an important stop on my pilgrimage. [On civilized planets, he learns to understand the people, on remote ones, he learns suffering. After the warm light of Lushaka, maybe the snow would be best.]
...I have not seen the snow. I think it would help to know what people in frozen climates endure. [His smiling expression darkens as he tries not to think about the discomfort he will face, and how much he deserves it.]
[ What a relief he didn't suggest deserts or rain-soaked plains. Not that Sunday seems like the sort to have a dream list of specific lands he longs to visit, but Aventurine still struggles to disembark when work calls him to worlds of parched earth and storms. The less said about it the better. And anyway, the Express is better suited to bearing Sunday to those sorts of stars, anyway.
Snow, though, he can do snow.
In silence, he watches the point where Lushaka's glittering blue welcomes the clear, pale sky. A pall has settled over Sunday's demeanor, again. Aventurine takes another long drink of coffee before he addresses int. ]
What makes them happy.
[ A light amendment, stated softly. He turns in his seat, angles his whole body toward Sunday. ]
Wherever you go, you're going to find pain and hardship. You're going to see suffering. And you're going to see it straight away. You, specifically, I mean, not a generic "you." You're sensitive to that sort of thing, right?
People thrive in those places, too, though. There's joy and faith and love, even in the roughest frontier. If you're going to peddle happiness...
[ Aventurine fishes his own cream puff out of the bag, holding it daintily between his fingers, still mindful of the powdered sugar. ]
...You need to learn what makes the people happy. Not just what they endure.
[ He pops the cream puff into his mouth, one bite, no reservations about seeming crass. The powdered sugar shaken loose is quickly attended to, though, patted off with a napkin right away while he chews. ]
[Some of the warmth returns to his face as he gazes out at the sea to watch the birds loop and dive from the sky into the waves.]
I need to learn what makes the hardships worth enduring.
[Because there must be something. Beneath the struggle, the aching grind of life is a spark that drives people forward. On Penacony, that spark was lost long ago, consumed by the Stellaron. He wants to see that spark.
He wants to believe in the strength of human will as much as the Nameless do.
His silver wings fold back as he chuckles.]
You are wiser than you are given credit for, Mister Aventurine.
[Finally, he lifts his head to regard his companion, and the warm smile dissolves at the sight of an entire cream puff disappearing in one bite.]
[ Mouth still full, Aventurine gives a noncommittal hrmph in acknowledgement of Sunday's compliment. He doesn't agree. The mistrust is usually well-placed. He is not half as well-read or worldly as those he works with, just an infernally lucky soul who can't seem to find the fall he deserves.
He doesn't have time to feel any particular way about that, though. Sunday's expression blanks at the sight of him, chipmunk-cheeked, devouring a pastry, and he barely has time enough to cover his mouth before he starts laughing. Of course Sunday, gifted all the time in the world to be as Orderly as possible, is not prepared for the eating habits of a corporate drone. Oh, he is in for such a rude awakening.
Just in time, Aventurine presses his forearm to his face, catching a laugh, sealing his mouth and nose as he almost chokes on cream and sugar. The bright sound threatening to spill out thrums deep in his chest and high in his throat, instead, a humming, violin sound as he swallows laughter and tries not to cough.
He lets his stifled giggles peter out before he finishes chewing, and does not speak until he's swallowed the pastry. ]
Sorry to make you regret that very nice compliment so quickly, Feathers. [ Aventurine wheezes, delight plain, before he takes a swig of still hot coffee. He smiles, though, big and bright. His cup is nearly empty, so he scoops up a few of the bags he'd set down on the bench beside him and stands. ] Let's head back, before you really start to regret your choice in chauffeur.
[Sunday follows Aventurine to his feet and takes one last delicate sip of coffee. His heart is racing for reasons that have nothing to do with the caffeine but, he realizes, surprised, he is not as afraid as he thought he would be.
A long journey awaits him, and he is eager to see what happens next. If he can push past the anxious knot he feels whenever he thinks about his lack of control, this journey could be fun.
Fun... as long as he keeps one step ahead of The Family. If they don't kill him for his heresy, they will use him to hurt Robin. He knows what powerful tuners can do. None of his thoughts would be safe. She wouldn't be safe. Aventurine wouldn't be safe.
The excitement of a journey sinks beneath a whirl of anxiety. His mind latches onto the worry as something familiar, a lifeline in the confusing world he finds himself in, and his wings tense.
He draws a breath, prepares himself to ask if Aventurine is prepared to kill him to keep him out of The Family's hands.
Why are you constantly fantasizing about this man killing you? he inwardly scolds himself. What is your problem?
Stop it!
Sunday releases the tension in a shuddered sigh and smiles.]
If I have regrets, they will not be because of you, Mister Aventurine.... That said, yes, let's return to the ship.
[ Travel jitters. Had he felt those the night he and Lady Jade killed Kakavasha and forged a new Aventurine? He can't recall. Mostly, he remembers how little anything had changed. Shackles traded for bangles, a sack cloth shirt replaced with a fine new uniform, a new master to replace the dead one, and all of his anger, all of his fear and shame, still totally intact. It was, he supposes, both absolutely singular and too much to actually process.
Aventurine's gaze lingers on Sunday's once more, expression betraying nothing. Reductive, to call it travel jitters. All the same, he's not sure there's any good way of addressing it, so he gathers up bags onto his arms and leads the way back the way they'd come, through the Hammer's market district and the IPC's main office.
He makes light conversation to fill silence and avoid thinking about regret and distress, mostly about local landmarks or how he understands Lushakan city ships function, as they load up the sleek black shuttle and disembark. A perhaps surprisingly small package is waiting for them when they return to the ship, a sturdy little crate, no bigger than a family-sized pizza delivery, is anchored to the cargo door. Aventurine pushes a few buttons to open the ship's hatch, and the package rockets itself inside. The shuttle follows in after it, settling into place in silence. ]
That's going to be heavier than it looks. [ He says, meaning the space delivery. ] A whole mattress, pillows, blankets, everything, vacuum-sealed down to a carryable size. Let me help you get it down into your room.
[ Odd, to call it his room. Aventurine's fingers linger a moment on his safety harness before unhooking it. No, not odd. Just a calculated move to make the bird feel more comfortable in his temporary quarters.
The shuttle opens once the cargo bay is sealed. Aventurine does not rush to climb out this time. ]
Last thing we need is you throwing your back out, right? First, though, I'd like to plot a course to our next stop. We're better off not hanging out too long in the place everyone thinks the Express was going.
[Abandoning control has not become any easier. Sunday sits quietly in the passenger seat throughout their trip, feathers twitching from a deep effort not to think, to just let events carry him where they may. Even if it means surrendering his fate to Aventurine. The passenger seat, he realizes, is slowly turning into a metaphor for his life.
It is difficult to accept, almost impossible, no matter how hard he tries to still his mind.
When the shuttle stops in the cargo bay, he is the one who rushes to climb out. Maybe a quick stretch and a comfortable flex of his wings will quiet the worried spiral he's been in since sitting on the bench in Lushaka. That brief moment of joyous excitement at the thought of a journey had been fun before his own anxious nature brought it crashing down and forced it into a more painful but familiar and easily understood shape.
It takes a moment for him to notice Aventurine is speaking. He glances over after another pretty stretch and flutters his wings.]
Where will our next stop be? Snowland? Jarilo-Six? I heard the Nameless stopped there already so I doubt anyone suspects they'll show up there again.
[ A poised and silent statue the whole ride back, then he springs up like someone with a stringent fitness routine. Aventurine only watches, wondering at how he's found himself with the only other person, besides himself, in the interastral alliance as dedicated to performance as a Masked Fool.
That's an exaggeration - probably. But the point still stands. Sunday pretends, but the weight of his anxiety in stillness settles heavily on Aventurine's shoulders, and every quiver of white wings gives away his discomfort. Aventurine, himself, finds he cannot help but steal glances when feathers ruffle.
It seems they each have a bad habit they need to get unter control.
Aventurine clears his throat as he climbs out of the shuttle, like the sound might snap Sunday out of that nervous trance he seems to be in. ]
Jarilo-VI is definitely an option...
[ Topaz's territory, not his, but infringing on her turf, while certainly suspicious, does not immediately point to him housing a fugitive. Just another instance of that famed Stoneheart squabbling that everyone likes to gossip about so much. It may also be a good way to loop her in on the scheme.
A plan worth considering, but one of many. There are benefits to other places, pros and cons to letting the bird pick or making the choice, himself. A sea of ideas to turn this way and that and study for possible dangers, but, at the moment, there are more immediately pressing matters. Sunday has that about-to-pluck-all-my-own-feathers look about him.
He walks around to the other side of the shuttle, closer to his traveling companion, and leans on the hood, arms crossed. ]
What's on your mind, Mister Sunday? Our cage isn't so bad, is it?
It's...It's nothing. [He says and realizes, with shame, that it's true. Nothing has happened between his excitement on Lushaka and now that should cause this much anxiety. All he's done is think, despite trying his best not to.
Sunday sighs and clasps his hands against the small of his back to prevent himself from fidgeting.]
I am excited for our journey, but I am also... afraid. It's a fear I suspect comes from how little control I have over my own life.
[His wings tense again. It feels like he's just admitted to a weakness. But he knows the landscape of his own heart as well as those of his flock. "The Oak Family Head is obsessed with control" is not an unusual observation. Everyone who has met him walks away with that impression. Most of them --Aventurine included, he suspects-- believe he lusts for power, that he delights in tormenting those beneath him and wrapping his environment around his fingers. That he derives an erotic thrill in watching people dance around at the ends of his puppet strings until they exhaust themselves. Maybe some of that is true. Sunday knows his heart has darkness within it that he hasn't yet confronted. It isn't entirely true, however, or even mostly true.
His control has always been a form of security. When everything around him is predictable, he is safe. Even when chaos sometimes descended on Penacony, he faced it with regal dignity, for his cocoon of control kept him upright in the eyes of storms while everything else was upside down.
Not anymore. His control is gone, and he is stormtossed, unmoored from everything he was once sure of.
Sunday is silent for a while, still as stone, except for the flexing of his wings.]
...I will be okay, Mister Aventurine. Please do not worry yourself over me.
You'll be okay. [ Aventurine levels his agreement without reservation. ] You've barely been free a day. And are somewhere in the realm of twelve system hours from having been torn away from everything you've ever known.
[ Whether falling slow or moving too fast, terminal velocity takes time to reach. That's not physics, Aventurine doesn't know physics, it's just a fact of life. Sunday is trying to find his, the way he seizes up with tension, goes silent, tries to grasp at the wisps of the figure he'd been on Penacony. Ironic that the one thing that does move on him is the wings. If only he'd notice that, himself; open them up, and ease his landing, a little.
Aventurine shoves himself up and off of the shuttle, walks past Sunday to fetch one of the screens embedded in the wall. The seemingly seamless screen comes away with a press, now a tablet in his hand. He keeps his back to the former Bronze Melodia, flipping through screens. ]
I may not agree with your insistence on psychic punishment as a form of restorative justice, but I refuse to believe that the most conniving man in Penacony -- that's a compliment -- is going to let his first major fall take him out entirely. You're better than that, Mister Sunday. [ There's a smile in his words when he adds, softly and very nearly fond: ] Or worse.
You're going to find your footing. You just need time to learn what you can control, and what isn't worth your time. The Nameless will help get you on the right path, I'm sure.
[ Sunday certainly won't find it traveling with him, a servant without a future, bound to the galaxy's newest form of Order. Aventurine ignores that thought and pulls up the application he'd been looking for, little used. Finally, he turns back to Sunday, holding the tablet out in offering. On the screen is a complicated equalizer and an array of menus for music genres. ]
Why don't you pick something out for us to listen to while we work?
[Conniving doesn't sound like a compliment, but he thinks he knows what Aventurine means. Many people know the former Oak Family Head is more fastidious than most. Few know he is also far more cunning. "Cunning". That is the word he'd prefer.]
You are far too kind, Mister Aventurine, [he says with laughter in his voice.] But I would prefer it if you didn't make me sound like a common criminal.
[He turns and when the tablet is offered to him he accepts after a moment of hesitation.]
You are trying to give me something, however small, that I can control. It is a touching offer but quite embarrassing. [As if on cue, his wings twitch forward to conceal the slight flush of his cheeks.
He looks through music menus with swipes of his gloved hand. Classical music is what he wants; sweet and perfect harmonies from the universe's fragmented history would be soothing.
Something else catches his eye.
His fingers hang above the song title "Hope Is the Thing With Feathers." Is it proper for someone to know he likes her songs? That he has always liked her songs? Ever since they were children, he's been her biggest supporter and greatest fan.
He decides that, for now, it doesn't matter, and taps the screen, eager to hear his sister's voice again.]
[ Aventurine grins in answer, evidently pleased with himself and his own ability to be just a little bit annoying. Then Sunday goes and blushes. Penacony's conniving fallen prince conceals rosy color behind pearl white wings like he's more nervous fussbudget than wannabe tyrant, and right away Aventurine is outdone.
A huff escapes him. He is starting to think he might be getting hustled. ]
You have got to get used to little embarrassments. [ He flounces with a smile, arms spread wide as he heads for the cockpit to pull up a list of potential destinations. ] You're far too big a criminal to let those derail you.
[ He expects something orchestral, with strings and woodwinds, maybe a choir. Aventurine is not surprised, however, when the heartbeat pace of a familiar pop song begins a building pulse through the ships' speaker system.
It's easy to understand the impulse, wanting to surround yourself with the people you love. He runs fingers over one of the stretches of turquoise Sigonian fabric draped along the main hall. ]
You coming? [ He calls, glancing over his shoulder. ] Can't settle on our next destination all by myself, now.
[Sunday huffs, the only sign that he heard the "criminal" remark, then follows after Aventurine with the tablet held against his chest.]
I am right behind you. Forgive me, I'm--
[He trails off, not wanting to admit that he yearns to linger in the cargo bay a while longer and listen to the acoustics of his younger sister's voice rising against the high walls. The clear melody of her song makes his heart ache, as if he'd plunged a dagger into himself by choosing to listen to it.
He may never see Robin again.
Tears start to well in his eyes, but he blinks them away before he steps forward to catch up with the Stoneheart.]
I'm here.
[He says.]
Though... I don't have much of an opinion on where to go. As long as it is a meaningful stop on my pilgrimage and keeps me out of The Family's hands, I promise I'll accompany you willingly.
[ There's a touch too much gloss in those sunset eyes. Aventurine notices as soon as he turns, and says nothing. Is this really the monster that'd planted Harmony in his head for his own pleasure? Here, Sunday is all fluttering wings and frigidly demure responses and now tears. The tears do it, wake some ugly, rust red feeling in him, the only sort of thing that ever feels more strong than a sound overheard from a room away -- anxious, nauseating anger. He can feel his heart thump at the base of his throat.
Sunday's behavior, it's weakness, is what it is. The sort of weakness that gets you worse than killed. A firm hand here would be a kindness. ]
You should-
[ He starts and stops himself.
Robin's song continues to play softly from speakers in the walls, filling what should be silence with oddly hopeful noise.
Aventurine clenches his jaw. He is no better than the men who dragged him across the galaxy and propelled him to this point; he is a cheat, a liar, a murderer, too, but he needn't always match their cruelty. The bird is just twelve system hours removed from shackles, he'd said it himself. And either way, he is hardly some dour child in need of parenting. If Aventurine insists on trying to find control in nudging Sunday in specific directions, he's going to exhaust himself in a day. He needs a different tack. ]
It's your journey. [ Aventurine says, like it's a reminder. ] But if you really don't care, why don't you go unload the shopping bags from the shuttle? I'll go set a course.
[Sunday opens his mouth, then closes it again before any questions can slip loose. Wordlessly, almost meekly, he walks back to the shuttle.
His tears must have been apparent. Somehow, Aventurine had seen the pain in his eyes, had noticed his weakness.
Heads up! A steady rhythm A destination that's ever near It comes! Stride to our kingdom And see the light of day
The juxtaposition of Robin's song with the dark uncertainty in his heart sends pain stabbing through him. How dearly he wishes he could embrace the optimism in those lyrics, but the light of day always feels out of reach. Even when he'd been a child, looking up into the eternal night sky of Penacony, the sun seemed a distant, almost theoretical thing. Yet worlds needed suns. He vowed to be the sun for his people, knowing that he could not bask in his own light but would hang in darkness until the end of time. The Nameless brought their all to bear against him, and he fell, his fire extinguished. Now, the sun no longer, and free from Penacony, he should be able to see the light of day. The skies still feel dark and clouded.
His emotions are unstable from one moment to the next. Optimism and excitement for his journey always curdle into fear. Aventurine sees the fear, which makes Sunday feel pathetic.
He is not a fallen sun, he isn't even an ember. He is a smear of charcoal someone dragged from Penacony on their boot heel. Useless. Pathetic and useless.
Maybe some people are not meant to see the sun. Maybe some lives are never intended to be complete.
Sunday slides to the floor and lets the tablet fall from his grip as he hugs himself, digging nails through the fabric of his gloves into his upper arms. He squeezes harder and harder until the pain makes his feathers molt.
When Aventurine returns he is still on his knees, doubled forward, clawing at his arms in penance for his sinfully chaotic heart.
Am I happy? Excited? Afraid? Hopeful? Full of despair and hate? What is wrong with me?]
[ For a Stoneheart, there is always a backlog. The IPC is old, and there is no shortage of stars with unsettled debt, unprofitable ventures, and breached contracts. Aventurine's to-do list will always be longer than he could ever have time for, having to pick through it on his own looking for "snow" does not make him any eager to crack into it.
Sunday has him feeling storm-tossed, but Aventurine is the picture of calm as he slides into the pilot seat. With focused calm, he pulls up a half-dozen holographic windows, admiring the color as the cockpit fills with neon neapolitan color. The backlog scrolls and scrolls, loading seemingly without end. He lets it go for a few seconds, firing off a cheeky message to Lady Jade that he's sure will earn an eyeroll. When the list isn't finished loading by the time that's done, he huffs and pulls up the profile for Jarilo-VI.
Almost immediately, he receives a call from Topaz. Against his better judgment, he accepts it, and spends the next four minutes doing the verbal equivalent of walking into a sibling's room and flipping the lights off and on rapidly while they try to do homework. He harasses her for tracking her territories' database entries. They bicker. She mistrusts him, but still asks whether he's safe. He dances around the truth and promises to leave a little gift for her in Belobog, none of which she believes. But, it's not bad. She ends their call to accept "a much more important one," and it... helps, actually.
His face feels a little less hot as he jots in the coordinates for Jarilo-VI, and he stretches out most of the rest of his tension when he stands.
He makes it to the end of the hall, cargo bay door slid open, when he spots Sunday on the floor. His heart sinks. Quiet, calm, he steps away. In hurried steps, he makes for the kitchen, fetches a bottle of filtered water from the little refrigerator, and brings it with him back into the cargo bay.
Aventurine steps up beside him, makes note of fallen feathers. He does not touch Penacony's deposed prince, but silently sits down on the floor beside him, legs criss-cross. Wordless, he twists the cap off the metal water bottle, then pulls the tablet out from under Sunday before setting the bottle on the floor within his reach, should he want it.
It takes him what feels like an age to finally speak, wrestling with himself, with words. Softness is cruelty. The bird needs to learn to steel himself if he wants to survive in the great big, dark, empty universe. But, oh, how Aventurine himself had longed for just one person to be gentle when he was lost.
An impasse, but if he doesn't say something now, he's not going to say anything at all. So, Aventurine improvises. ]
Your own head is causing you enough trouble. [ Aventurine pulls in a steadying breath before finally lighting a gloved fingertips on the back of one of Sunday's hands. ] Your hands don't need to help, Mister Sunday.
I've brought you some water. I know it doesn't feel like it, but you're going to make it through this. You're not going to disappoint her.
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He hoists the bags up onto his other shoulder and leads the way toward a spot he recalls being a fine place to sit and enjoy the scenery. They needn't walk far to find the intended destination -- the Hammer is dotted with little patches of green overlooking the endless blue. He brings them to a bench, wood planks set in carved coral overlooking the ocean, and shrugs the bags on his arm off onto the ground. ]
No one gave you too much fuss?
[ It's the closest he'll come to asking what's wrong outright. ]
cw: suicidal ideation
I'm fine. [He looks back at Aventurine with a sad smile.] I've read about oceans before, but I have never seen one. Now I am realizing there is so much I haven't seen.
[Once again, his gaze is pulled to the water. A horrible impulse stabs through him to run and leap from the side of the Hammer. It would correct many things that are currently wrong in the world. Since his sister, the Nameless, and even the IPC refuse to execute the greatest sinner of all, he could take on the burden himself. The Family has executed many sinners and heretics over the years in many ways. Drowning would do. In the black beneath the waves, everything would cease to matter, a major pawn would be removed from the game board of the Aeons, and the universe could wind on as if the creature named Sunday never existed.
It is a sweet, almost intoxicating thought. He hates himself now more than he has ever hated anyone. His own life feels like a terrible burden, a beautiful prize for sin that he doesn't deserve but must accept. ...And he wants to accept it. He wants to live. Despite everything, despite the immorality in his soul, he wants to live. Not just survive but one day truly live. That wish is exhilarating and terrifying.]
I want to live, Mister Aventurine. [He says softly.] I want to see more horizons like this one.
[Then, turning back to Aventurine, his grin warms and softens.]
On THEIR journey backward through time, Finality moved on either side of us and brought us together. I admit, I am not sure why, but... I think, even though I am afraid, I am excited...
[Maybe there has always been an ember within him, one he'd smothered throughout his adolescence, that looked skyward with longing.]
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Aventurine watches, wordless, as it happens. He thinks he can almost see the moment of epiphany. Sunday takes in the planet-spanning sea that surrounds them, finally puts himself in the moment and sees the specific sort of freedom that's stretched out before him. Robin was right. Penacony's fallen king was stymied by his throne, diverted from a chance at a better Path. Trailblaze does not exactly set Aventurine at ease. He cannot look at those who wander without a touch of jealousy and a heap of fear, but at least he knows now that Akivili's blessed aren't all cold, hungry conquerors.
Which sort will Sunday be in the end?
He supposes it doesn't matter. His own fears aside, so long as he can deliver the bird to the Express, it'll be better for everyone. He's mulling over their options when Sunday turns and bathes him in a sunrise smile he isn't quite prepared for and talk of Terminus and shared destinies. Aventurine stares back, surprise flickering across his features, something jolting beneath his sternum, pulling his attention to the brown paper bag in his hands. ]
I don't know much about the goals or motivations of destiny...
[ Taking care not to get any powdered sugar on his gloves or clothes, Aventurine retrieves one of the puff pastries wrapped in wax paper and a napkin. His eyes linger on the cream puff, unable to bear the combined weight Sunday's bright new hope and his ridiculous, romantic notions about fate. Fate never orchestrates things with kindness in mind.
Someone like Robin, like the Express crew, like a damned Masked Fool would've been better for Sunday in this moment. Anyone but him, incapable of looking ahead and seeing anything but an end point, revenge and then death.
His eyes flick up from the pastry in his hand to settle on Sunday. Sunday, who believes in paradise, who seems finally willing to let go enough to chase it. Stars, he's going to need all the help he can get. And sunscreen. Aventurine reminds himself to buy him some sunscreen. ]
I can promise you plenty of horizons, though, and time enough to see them.
[ Not moving from his spot on the bench, he holds out the cream puff. ]
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[Sunday glides back to the bench, sits, and takes a sip of the coffee. Bitter. He drinks anyway.]
On Penacony, I wanted to gather all Paths into myself and crush them into nothingness. Over their ruins I would have built my Path of Philosophy, a Path created by and for humankind...
[His eyes skirt downward and he lifts a hand to rest against his heart.]
As King of Humankind, as their scorching sun, I would have taken on the burden of choice and maintained paradise alone until the end of the cosmos. It...would have been beautiful.
[A glorious, golden world of peace and harmony, where the weak are cared for. His paradise. His promised land. A world he will mourn until the day he finally dies.
With a steadying breath, Sunday closes his eyes, then says...]
But... I don't think a worldbearer is what humanity wants. I think, maybe, they want a world traveler. Someone who can meet them as one of them, share their pain, and guide them to happiness. If I want to be that person, then I need wisdom, knowledge, and experience. Ascetism alone will not be enough.
[Finally, he lowers his hand from his chest and opens his eyes to meet Aventurine's gaze.]
I must see those distant horizons and unfamiliar stars... [He laughs slightly and plucks the offered cream puff from Aventurine's hand.]
Ah, oops. I'm rambling again. Forgive me, I've been thinking a lot. The sea helps...put matters into perspective. I am finally understanding some things that have been bothering me since my fall.
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But blessedly, he needn't pretend to be staunchly against the whole thing. Sunday has glimpsed the truth of things, or at least a piece of it. There's more to go, certainly, learning of humanity's penchant for sadness, for anger, for obstinance, for making no sense at all, but he's taking his first steps. (And Aventurine is thankful for that, because disagreeing with the man still feels a little like carrying a lit match into an abandoned mine.)
If anything, the surprise is in seeing him already committed to making the leap. ]
Wow. [ Aventurine leans back, crosses one leg over the other, and takes a sip of still hot coffee. He stares out at the water a moment before looking at Sunday once more, offering an impish grin. ] A risky endeavor, Mister Sunday. I'm impressed. Not surprised, but impressed.
[ Another drink, he drapes one arm over the back of the bench, away from Sunday. ]
I knew you had it in you.
[ The moment Robin tangled the two of them in the IPC's web, he'd known. She wouldn't've sent her brother out into a universe he could not handle. Sunday is more than the stone mannequins dotting Penacony's Grand Theater, not shattered by a fall. ]
You're going to grow callouses as you walk. Just remember not to let it all go rough. That perspective isn't the last one you'll gain. People are difficult and unpredictable. They teach you a lot. That's why they're fun.
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Difficult and unpredictable? [How strange to be told this after his many years as Bronze Melodia. This observation is why he had wanted to force predictability upon people, to grab them by the hand and pull them along his Path. What he'll need to learn isn't that such people exist, but how to guide them gently. How to show them happiness and encourage them to walk toward it on their own.
His wings flutter.]
Maybe traveling with the Aventurine of Strategems will teach me more about that. [In all the world, he cannot think of a single soul more frustrating than Aventurine. Fascinating and admirable. But also incredibly frustrating.]
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It's very silly. The bird is very silly. And he can't help but grin about it, right up until he recalls the decree about leering, ogling, and other lascivious behavior, and looks away to avoid his amusement being misinterpreted.
Aventurine focuses on the other tourists strolling through the park, starts to brainstorm the to-do list he'll need to address when they're back on the ship -- hide the violin, report to Jade, announce Sunday's intention to stay on the move until the Express reemerges, get that bed set up, sleep for an hour or two, maybe, and then-
Sunday's words reach him, and he laughs. ]
Jumping right in to hard mode, huh, Mister Sunday? You must really think yourself lucky.
[ Aventurine points a delighted grin at the man who, weeks ago, wanted him dead or worse. He cannot help but think of Harmony's brand, that unnecessary bit of extra, final justice imposed on him. Being the focus of Sunday's attention is more than a little terrifying, but then again, what would he even find, given the time to ferret up Aventurine's secrets?
Nothing. There's nothing. That's the whole point.
An amused sigh escapes him, and he takes another drink. ]
I hope you like what you find, Mister Sunday. And even if not, there are at least no end to lovely horizons out there. Enjoying the pastry?
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You are permitted to look at me. [Sunday reminds him with a warm chuckle.] Believe it or not, I do know when someone is leering instead of looking.
[It is a difficult thing to explain, but he recognizes it when it happens. On Penacony, most people stared. Tourists from afar usually hadn't met a Halovian before. Some ogled him, eyes dark with sinful lust. Some saw him as a work of art. Most were simply awestruck by his beauty. The artists were strange, but rarely immoral with their gazes. Even when they compared him to a statue, an objectifying comparison to make, they did so with rhapsodic praise. To them, he was not someone to be wooed, but a beauty to be honored. It was not ogling.
This isn't either.
Aventurine has only looked at him with eager curiosity so far, watching him and studying him, in an attempt to understand and predict his behavior. He's never felt anything lecherous in the Stoneheart's eyes. Maybe Aventurine understands. With his history, he must know what it is like to be stared at in a way that makes one feel like an object, a commodity. Less than human.
Sunday finishes the cream puff, washes it down with a sip of coffee, then turns his head to return the grin.]
Thank you. The pastry was quite good.
...Once you are done with your drink, we can return to your ship. Unless you had something else you needed to do here on Lushaka?
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[ It seems, for the moment, that the lion is sated. He'll see how it goes when they are in close quarters, again. A tin can floating in the sea of stars is much less soothing than sunshine on an endless sea. Aventurine takes another drink, sinking a little into his seat, giving himself permission to enjoy a much needed hit of caffeine while relaxing muscles that have been tensed for hours. ]
Sounds like a plan. Since we already know the Express isn't headed this way, there're better places to be.
[ Relaxed as he seems, his mind is abuzz with work. There's a whole brigade of P25s here, eager to impress someone of his rank, who could be recruited to keep tabs on the comings and goings of Family on the Hammer's Reef, but that might be too obvious. He considers erasing their docking data entirely before they leave, though falsifying records at this juncture feels like too great a risk for comparatively small reward. Best, then, to pretend nothing was odd about this visit. Just let Lushaka be what it is, a pitstop on the way to a greater journey.
The only question left is, what next?
Another drink. ]
Where would you like to go, Mister Sunday? Somewhere snowy? Plains or mountains? Civilized or remote?
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But he is not Bronze Melodia anymore, and he should get used to having preferences about things...and learning what those preferences are. Thinking about it always feels too overwhelming. Even without his wings, it helps to frame his future as a divine mission. A divine mission he can handle. Learning more about the man he sees in the mirror, however...]
Well, any of those places could be an important stop on my pilgrimage. [On civilized planets, he learns to understand the people, on remote ones, he learns suffering. After the warm light of Lushaka, maybe the snow would be best.]
...I have not seen the snow. I think it would help to know what people in frozen climates endure. [His smiling expression darkens as he tries not to think about the discomfort he will face, and how much he deserves it.]
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Snow, though, he can do snow.
In silence, he watches the point where Lushaka's glittering blue welcomes the clear, pale sky. A pall has settled over Sunday's demeanor, again. Aventurine takes another long drink of coffee before he addresses int. ]
What makes them happy.
[ A light amendment, stated softly. He turns in his seat, angles his whole body toward Sunday. ]
Wherever you go, you're going to find pain and hardship. You're going to see suffering. And you're going to see it straight away. You, specifically, I mean, not a generic "you." You're sensitive to that sort of thing, right?
People thrive in those places, too, though. There's joy and faith and love, even in the roughest frontier. If you're going to peddle happiness...
[ Aventurine fishes his own cream puff out of the bag, holding it daintily between his fingers, still mindful of the powdered sugar. ]
...You need to learn what makes the people happy. Not just what they endure.
[ He pops the cream puff into his mouth, one bite, no reservations about seeming crass. The powdered sugar shaken loose is quickly attended to, though, patted off with a napkin right away while he chews. ]
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[Some of the warmth returns to his face as he gazes out at the sea to watch the birds loop and dive from the sky into the waves.]
I need to learn what makes the hardships worth enduring.
[Because there must be something. Beneath the struggle, the aching grind of life is a spark that drives people forward. On Penacony, that spark was lost long ago, consumed by the Stellaron. He wants to see that spark.
He wants to believe in the strength of human will as much as the Nameless do.
His silver wings fold back as he chuckles.]
You are wiser than you are given credit for, Mister Aventurine.
[Finally, he lifts his head to regard his companion, and the warm smile dissolves at the sight of an entire cream puff disappearing in one bite.]
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He doesn't have time to feel any particular way about that, though. Sunday's expression blanks at the sight of him, chipmunk-cheeked, devouring a pastry, and he barely has time enough to cover his mouth before he starts laughing. Of course Sunday, gifted all the time in the world to be as Orderly as possible, is not prepared for the eating habits of a corporate drone. Oh, he is in for such a rude awakening.
Just in time, Aventurine presses his forearm to his face, catching a laugh, sealing his mouth and nose as he almost chokes on cream and sugar. The bright sound threatening to spill out thrums deep in his chest and high in his throat, instead, a humming, violin sound as he swallows laughter and tries not to cough.
He lets his stifled giggles peter out before he finishes chewing, and does not speak until he's swallowed the pastry. ]
Sorry to make you regret that very nice compliment so quickly, Feathers. [ Aventurine wheezes, delight plain, before he takes a swig of still hot coffee. He smiles, though, big and bright. His cup is nearly empty, so he scoops up a few of the bags he'd set down on the bench beside him and stands. ] Let's head back, before you really start to regret your choice in chauffeur.
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A long journey awaits him, and he is eager to see what happens next. If he can push past the anxious knot he feels whenever he thinks about his lack of control, this journey could be fun.
Fun... as long as he keeps one step ahead of The Family. If they don't kill him for his heresy, they will use him to hurt Robin. He knows what powerful tuners can do. None of his thoughts would be safe. She wouldn't be safe. Aventurine wouldn't be safe.
The excitement of a journey sinks beneath a whirl of anxiety. His mind latches onto the worry as something familiar, a lifeline in the confusing world he finds himself in, and his wings tense.
He draws a breath, prepares himself to ask if Aventurine is prepared to kill him to keep him out of The Family's hands.
Why are you constantly fantasizing about this man killing you? he inwardly scolds himself. What is your problem?
Stop it!
Sunday releases the tension in a shuddered sigh and smiles.]
If I have regrets, they will not be because of you, Mister Aventurine.... That said, yes, let's return to the ship.
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Aventurine's gaze lingers on Sunday's once more, expression betraying nothing. Reductive, to call it travel jitters. All the same, he's not sure there's any good way of addressing it, so he gathers up bags onto his arms and leads the way back the way they'd come, through the Hammer's market district and the IPC's main office.
He makes light conversation to fill silence and avoid thinking about regret and distress, mostly about local landmarks or how he understands Lushakan city ships function, as they load up the sleek black shuttle and disembark. A perhaps surprisingly small package is waiting for them when they return to the ship, a sturdy little crate, no bigger than a family-sized pizza delivery, is anchored to the cargo door. Aventurine pushes a few buttons to open the ship's hatch, and the package rockets itself inside. The shuttle follows in after it, settling into place in silence. ]
That's going to be heavier than it looks. [ He says, meaning the space delivery. ] A whole mattress, pillows, blankets, everything, vacuum-sealed down to a carryable size. Let me help you get it down into your room.
[ Odd, to call it his room. Aventurine's fingers linger a moment on his safety harness before unhooking it. No, not odd. Just a calculated move to make the bird feel more comfortable in his temporary quarters.
The shuttle opens once the cargo bay is sealed. Aventurine does not rush to climb out this time. ]
Last thing we need is you throwing your back out, right? First, though, I'd like to plot a course to our next stop. We're better off not hanging out too long in the place everyone thinks the Express was going.
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It is difficult to accept, almost impossible, no matter how hard he tries to still his mind.
When the shuttle stops in the cargo bay, he is the one who rushes to climb out. Maybe a quick stretch and a comfortable flex of his wings will quiet the worried spiral he's been in since sitting on the bench in Lushaka. That brief moment of joyous excitement at the thought of a journey had been fun before his own anxious nature brought it crashing down and forced it into a more painful but familiar and easily understood shape.
It takes a moment for him to notice Aventurine is speaking. He glances over after another pretty stretch and flutters his wings.]
Where will our next stop be? Snowland? Jarilo-Six? I heard the Nameless stopped there already so I doubt anyone suspects they'll show up there again.
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That's an exaggeration - probably. But the point still stands. Sunday pretends, but the weight of his anxiety in stillness settles heavily on Aventurine's shoulders, and every quiver of white wings gives away his discomfort. Aventurine, himself, finds he cannot help but steal glances when feathers ruffle.
It seems they each have a bad habit they need to get unter control.
Aventurine clears his throat as he climbs out of the shuttle, like the sound might snap Sunday out of that nervous trance he seems to be in. ]
Jarilo-VI is definitely an option...
[ Topaz's territory, not his, but infringing on her turf, while certainly suspicious, does not immediately point to him housing a fugitive. Just another instance of that famed Stoneheart squabbling that everyone likes to gossip about so much. It may also be a good way to loop her in on the scheme.
A plan worth considering, but one of many. There are benefits to other places, pros and cons to letting the bird pick or making the choice, himself. A sea of ideas to turn this way and that and study for possible dangers, but, at the moment, there are more immediately pressing matters. Sunday has that about-to-pluck-all-my-own-feathers look about him.
He walks around to the other side of the shuttle, closer to his traveling companion, and leans on the hood, arms crossed. ]
What's on your mind, Mister Sunday? Our cage isn't so bad, is it?
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It's...It's nothing. [He says and realizes, with shame, that it's true. Nothing has happened between his excitement on Lushaka and now that should cause this much anxiety. All he's done is think, despite trying his best not to.
Sunday sighs and clasps his hands against the small of his back to prevent himself from fidgeting.]
I am excited for our journey, but I am also... afraid. It's a fear I suspect comes from how little control I have over my own life.
[His wings tense again. It feels like he's just admitted to a weakness. But he knows the landscape of his own heart as well as those of his flock. "The Oak Family Head is obsessed with control" is not an unusual observation. Everyone who has met him walks away with that impression. Most of them --Aventurine included, he suspects-- believe he lusts for power, that he delights in tormenting those beneath him and wrapping his environment around his fingers. That he derives an erotic thrill in watching people dance around at the ends of his puppet strings until they exhaust themselves. Maybe some of that is true. Sunday knows his heart has darkness within it that he hasn't yet confronted. It isn't entirely true, however, or even mostly true.
His control has always been a form of security. When everything around him is predictable, he is safe. Even when chaos sometimes descended on Penacony, he faced it with regal dignity, for his cocoon of control kept him upright in the eyes of storms while everything else was upside down.
Not anymore. His control is gone, and he is stormtossed, unmoored from everything he was once sure of.
Sunday is silent for a while, still as stone, except for the flexing of his wings.]
...I will be okay, Mister Aventurine. Please do not worry yourself over me.
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[ Whether falling slow or moving too fast, terminal velocity takes time to reach. That's not physics, Aventurine doesn't know physics, it's just a fact of life. Sunday is trying to find his, the way he seizes up with tension, goes silent, tries to grasp at the wisps of the figure he'd been on Penacony. Ironic that the one thing that does move on him is the wings. If only he'd notice that, himself; open them up, and ease his landing, a little.
Aventurine shoves himself up and off of the shuttle, walks past Sunday to fetch one of the screens embedded in the wall. The seemingly seamless screen comes away with a press, now a tablet in his hand. He keeps his back to the former Bronze Melodia, flipping through screens. ]
I may not agree with your insistence on psychic punishment as a form of restorative justice, but I refuse to believe that the most conniving man in Penacony -- that's a compliment -- is going to let his first major fall take him out entirely. You're better than that, Mister Sunday. [ There's a smile in his words when he adds, softly and very nearly fond: ] Or worse.
You're going to find your footing. You just need time to learn what you can control, and what isn't worth your time. The Nameless will help get you on the right path, I'm sure.
[ Sunday certainly won't find it traveling with him, a servant without a future, bound to the galaxy's newest form of Order. Aventurine ignores that thought and pulls up the application he'd been looking for, little used. Finally, he turns back to Sunday, holding the tablet out in offering. On the screen is a complicated equalizer and an array of menus for music genres. ]
Why don't you pick something out for us to listen to while we work?
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You are far too kind, Mister Aventurine, [he says with laughter in his voice.] But I would prefer it if you didn't make me sound like a common criminal.
[He turns and when the tablet is offered to him he accepts after a moment of hesitation.]
You are trying to give me something, however small, that I can control. It is a touching offer but quite embarrassing. [As if on cue, his wings twitch forward to conceal the slight flush of his cheeks.
He looks through music menus with swipes of his gloved hand. Classical music is what he wants; sweet and perfect harmonies from the universe's fragmented history would be soothing.
Something else catches his eye.
His fingers hang above the song title "Hope Is the Thing With Feathers." Is it proper for someone to know he likes her songs? That he has always liked her songs? Ever since they were children, he's been her biggest supporter and greatest fan.
He decides that, for now, it doesn't matter, and taps the screen, eager to hear his sister's voice again.]
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A huff escapes him. He is starting to think he might be getting hustled. ]
You have got to get used to little embarrassments. [ He flounces with a smile, arms spread wide as he heads for the cockpit to pull up a list of potential destinations. ] You're far too big a criminal to let those derail you.
[ He expects something orchestral, with strings and woodwinds, maybe a choir. Aventurine is not surprised, however, when the heartbeat pace of a familiar pop song begins a building pulse through the ships' speaker system.
It's easy to understand the impulse, wanting to surround yourself with the people you love. He runs fingers over one of the stretches of turquoise Sigonian fabric draped along the main hall. ]
You coming? [ He calls, glancing over his shoulder. ] Can't settle on our next destination all by myself, now.
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I am right behind you. Forgive me, I'm--
[He trails off, not wanting to admit that he yearns to linger in the cargo bay a while longer and listen to the acoustics of his younger sister's voice rising against the high walls. The clear melody of her song makes his heart ache, as if he'd plunged a dagger into himself by choosing to listen to it.
He may never see Robin again.
Tears start to well in his eyes, but he blinks them away before he steps forward to catch up with the Stoneheart.]
I'm here.
[He says.]
Though... I don't have much of an opinion on where to go. As long as it is a meaningful stop on my pilgrimage and keeps me out of The Family's hands, I promise I'll accompany you willingly.
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Sunday's behavior, it's weakness, is what it is. The sort of weakness that gets you worse than killed. A firm hand here would be a kindness. ]
You should-
[ He starts and stops himself.
Robin's song continues to play softly from speakers in the walls, filling what should be silence with oddly hopeful noise.
Aventurine clenches his jaw. He is no better than the men who dragged him across the galaxy and propelled him to this point; he is a cheat, a liar, a murderer, too, but he needn't always match their cruelty. The bird is just twelve system hours removed from shackles, he'd said it himself. And either way, he is hardly some dour child in need of parenting. If Aventurine insists on trying to find control in nudging Sunday in specific directions, he's going to exhaust himself in a day. He needs a different tack. ]
It's your journey. [ Aventurine says, like it's a reminder. ] But if you really don't care, why don't you go unload the shopping bags from the shuttle? I'll go set a course.
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His tears must have been apparent. Somehow, Aventurine had seen the pain in his eyes, had noticed his weakness.
Heads up! A steady rhythm
A destination that's ever near
It comes! Stride to our kingdom
And see the light of day
The juxtaposition of Robin's song with the dark uncertainty in his heart sends pain stabbing through him. How dearly he wishes he could embrace the optimism in those lyrics, but the light of day always feels out of reach. Even when he'd been a child, looking up into the eternal night sky of Penacony, the sun seemed a distant, almost theoretical thing. Yet worlds needed suns. He vowed to be the sun for his people, knowing that he could not bask in his own light but would hang in darkness until the end of time. The Nameless brought their all to bear against him, and he fell, his fire extinguished. Now, the sun no longer, and free from Penacony, he should be able to see the light of day. The skies still feel dark and clouded.
His emotions are unstable from one moment to the next. Optimism and excitement for his journey always curdle into fear. Aventurine sees the fear, which makes Sunday feel pathetic.
He is not a fallen sun, he isn't even an ember. He is a smear of charcoal someone dragged from Penacony on their boot heel. Useless. Pathetic and useless.
Maybe some people are not meant to see the sun. Maybe some lives are never intended to be complete.
Sunday slides to the floor and lets the tablet fall from his grip as he hugs himself, digging nails through the fabric of his gloves into his upper arms. He squeezes harder and harder until the pain makes his feathers molt.
When Aventurine returns he is still on his knees, doubled forward, clawing at his arms in penance for his sinfully chaotic heart.
Am I happy? Excited? Afraid? Hopeful? Full of despair and hate? What is wrong with me?]
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Sunday has him feeling storm-tossed, but Aventurine is the picture of calm as he slides into the pilot seat. With focused calm, he pulls up a half-dozen holographic windows, admiring the color as the cockpit fills with neon neapolitan color. The backlog scrolls and scrolls, loading seemingly without end. He lets it go for a few seconds, firing off a cheeky message to Lady Jade that he's sure will earn an eyeroll. When the list isn't finished loading by the time that's done, he huffs and pulls up the profile for Jarilo-VI.
Almost immediately, he receives a call from Topaz. Against his better judgment, he accepts it, and spends the next four minutes doing the verbal equivalent of walking into a sibling's room and flipping the lights off and on rapidly while they try to do homework. He harasses her for tracking her territories' database entries. They bicker. She mistrusts him, but still asks whether he's safe. He dances around the truth and promises to leave a little gift for her in Belobog, none of which she believes. But, it's not bad. She ends their call to accept "a much more important one," and it... helps, actually.
His face feels a little less hot as he jots in the coordinates for Jarilo-VI, and he stretches out most of the rest of his tension when he stands.
He makes it to the end of the hall, cargo bay door slid open, when he spots Sunday on the floor. His heart sinks. Quiet, calm, he steps away. In hurried steps, he makes for the kitchen, fetches a bottle of filtered water from the little refrigerator, and brings it with him back into the cargo bay.
Aventurine steps up beside him, makes note of fallen feathers. He does not touch Penacony's deposed prince, but silently sits down on the floor beside him, legs criss-cross. Wordless, he twists the cap off the metal water bottle, then pulls the tablet out from under Sunday before setting the bottle on the floor within his reach, should he want it.
It takes him what feels like an age to finally speak, wrestling with himself, with words. Softness is cruelty. The bird needs to learn to steel himself if he wants to survive in the great big, dark, empty universe. But, oh, how Aventurine himself had longed for just one person to be gentle when he was lost.
An impasse, but if he doesn't say something now, he's not going to say anything at all. So, Aventurine improvises. ]
Your own head is causing you enough trouble. [ Aventurine pulls in a steadying breath before finally lighting a gloved fingertips on the back of one of Sunday's hands. ] Your hands don't need to help, Mister Sunday.
I've brought you some water. I know it doesn't feel like it, but you're going to make it through this. You're not going to disappoint her.
cw: uh
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cw: suicidal ideation (sort of)
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not entirely worksafe
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nsfw a bit
also a tiny bit nsfw but also mostly just sad
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yeah this is nsfw lmao
still nsfw
still nsfw
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nsfw
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nsfw a bit
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